Ramen and Beer
by colormespiffy22
Summary: Thorin x OC : One-Shot. Rated M for language; my OC has a bit of a dirty mouth. Enjoy


**Thorin One-Shot**

**"Ramen and Beer"**

**Author Note: I know I have not been updating my Thorin story... I am deeply sorry about that. I have drafted the next chapter and am currently editing, so please hold on a bit longer to find out the fate of our lovely Phera. To apologize here is a short one-shot featuring my favorite dwarf, Thorin. This is based of a dream I had earlier this month…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything but my OC.**

Monday...today was Monday... today was Monday the 13th of October, the day my ordinary Monday morning was blown to shit by a stubborn, rude, not fit to be a human being (well...because he was not), egotistical, 'the so called' King Under the Mountain, Thorin -fucking- Oakenshield. That is correct, Thorin Oakenshield the fictional character from J.R.R. Tolkien's _The Hobbit_, on today of most glorious of monday mornings has decided to park his royal arse in my freakin' bed.

"So, let me get this straight...you were on your way to Bag End, when you tripped and blacked out...then woke up in my bed and decided that the best way to handle the situation was to scream like a butchy schoolgirl and completely ruin my sheets by tearing it to shreds with your oversized butter knife?" He picked up said 'butter knife' and slammed it onto the table. "Then proceed to tie me up in my own god-damn house?!" I was livid. Let's face it ladies, when your favorite fictional character comes to life, it is not all sugar plums and gum drops.

"Quiet, Witch!" He roared slamming his fist on the table, wiping his burning face with damp cloth and cursing under his breath. "You either tell me how to get back to my company or not speak at all."

"For the 20th time I am not a witch! It's called pepper spray!...I said I was sorry!" I was beyond exhausted; Thorin had been accusing me and arguing with me about being a witch and 'I' was responsible for 'all of this' for the last hour. "Look, I know I may have gone overboard with spraying you in the face..twice, so I'm sorry about that." I waited for any retort from the angry dwarf, nothing came so I continued "Okay...so I will you untie me if I promise to 'play nice.'" He snorted shaking his head. "Oh Come on, think about it. Right now I'm the only person that can help you...if you step one foot outside to that world out there-!" I stopped mid-sentence, that stubborn dwarf was continuing to ignore me. "Okay...I'm truly, deeply sorry about the pepper spray and all that shit. But, come on let me go and I can help you."

"Fine." He spat, continuing to pace back and forth, like a wild caged animal. "But, be warned even if you are a 'woman', I will not hesitate to strike you if you dare to betray me."

"Alright." I squeaked, as he untied me and then positioned himself once again on my now destroyed bed. I rubbed my red wrists, trying to ease the throbbing pain. "I'm going to get the first aid kit and clean us up."

Taking a deep breath to calm myself I headed back to my bedroom, the dwarf glared at me, following my every move as I placed a stool and first aid kit in front of him. Dabbing a cotton with peroxide I began cleaning up the cut on his forehead. At first he pulled away, but gradually the stubborn ass stopped squirming and muttering insults and allowed me to patch him up. I felt a pang of guilt as he hissed in pain, but quickly pushed the thoughts away. It really was all instinct, my body had went into fight or flight mode, and I just so happened to have a can of pepper spray in my nightstand.

"Okay, so...what is your name?" Silence. "I see, since you won't tell me your name, I won't give you mine. I'm just going to call you Grumpy."

"Witch." he cursed. I laughed, he was so easy to piss off.

"Good, you're Grumpy and I'm Witch...now start from the beginning…"

As Thorin started to explain I came to a conclusion to be utterly oblivious to anything having to do with the Hobbit or the Lord of the Rings novels. I figured if I told him that I did know all about it and how his tragic life would come to a horrible end...it would result in a terrible mess, yes? So, as Thorin explained I just sat there, sipping my coffee, and nodding every now and then. He began with saying he just entered the Shire and was on his way to Bag End to meet up with his company. I asked why, playing dumb of course. Shaking his head, 'Grumpy' refused to elaborate any further. And then he kept saying this was a waste of time and that I was still 'at fault' for 'all of this'. Stubborn dwarf.

"Was there anything out of the ordinary before you blacked out?" I threw out.

"No." I rubbed my eyes, we had been at this for an hour or so and the sun was just rising. "I have told you once already, nothing was strange." He grumbled and pounded the table with his fist. I threw my hands up in defeat, we were getting know where so might as well take a break.

"Well I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. Come on Grumpy let's get something to eat." I gestured for him to have a seat at the dining room table. "I ate the last slice of pizza last night so we're gonna have to eat Ramen." Hey, I was a poor Master's student, pizza, ramen, and spam was all I could afford...that and a six pack of wondrous, delicious, cheap beer. "Here." I tossed him a can of beer.

Thorin almost dropped the beer, shocked that it was so cold. He tossed the can between both hands and weighed it, starting at it quizzically. "Why is this cold? More sorcery?" Sighing I walked over and opened the can for him and stole a sip.

"Nope, its beer. You'll like it." I turned my attention back to the stove and added the noodles into the boiling water. "It's not poisoned either." I added, smirking looking back at the startled dwarf. He had been inspecting the strange drink, turning it around trying to read the label, sniffing it, and trying to look inside the can.

Grunting he took a careful sip of the beer, held it in his mouth for a moment, and slowly swallowed. "...Not bad. We have this drink as well." He continued to tank down the beverage. "Another." He demanded holding out his hand at me.

"Alright, but go easy." I opened the fridge and tossed him another can. "Should be ready in a bit, could you get the bowls? Its on that shelf above you." I instructed him while inspecting the noodles, making sure they were cooked right. I heard Thorin let out a grunt in response, a shuffling of furniture, and clattering of my dishes.

*CRASH*

"Really!?" Turning around I discover Thorin frozen on his tippy toes, arm stretched out reaching for a stack of plates and bowls, and my large serving platter shattered on the ground. The thought had not crossed my mind that the tall dwarf may have not been tall enough to reach the top shelf. Thorin untensed and stood on the chair, arms crossed, with his brows furrowed. The sight of 'pouty Thorin' made me crack up!

"Why are you mocking me?!" Jumping down he stomped towards me and crossed his arms once again, while I continued to giggle like a lunatic.

"Sorry…*giggle* Its just...Oh my baby jesus *giggle*...funny." I let out a small cough to clear my throat and took a deep breath. "Okay. Sorry, I'll get the bowls." Patting him on the back I reached up and took out two bowls. "You can sweep up the broken plate."

"What is this?" His face showing disgust, Thorin poked at the noodles with his fork.

"Hey, hey no playing with food. Just eat it 'Grumpy." I picked up some noodles with my chopsticks and shoved what I could into his mouth before he swatted my hand away. In shock he swallowed the mouth full and made a face. "Really now, its not that bad!" I urged him to take another bite, but he was not having it.

"It has no taste and its slimy." Throin pushed the bowl towards me and took another swig of beer. "This will do."

"Whatever." I huffed, slurping down my bowl of deliciousness. Once, that was done I started on his bowl...hey I was hungry and stressed out.

"You eat like an animal." He sighed, leaning forward and wiping off a green onion stuck on my cheek. I just sat there staring at him. The moment he grazed my cheek I froze, holding my breath. Where his fingers touched a tingling feeling lingered, like his hand was still there hovering closely over my cheek.

"I-I-I do not!" I was so flustered by his action that I developed a speech impediment. I could feel my face growing warmer and probably a light shade of red. And judging by Thorin's smug expression, he knew what he had done...

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*

I growned stretching as I sat up at my kitchen table. Rubbing my eyes I scanned my surroundings. Something was off..._Wait...what? Why was I sleeping in the kitchen? _I thought pacing around the kitchen, I saw the shattered plate and empty bowls of ramen. "No….no that had have been a dream...right?" I placed my hand to my cheek… "Right?"


End file.
